You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
