She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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