I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
