WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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