i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He better not be in your backpack
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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