fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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