Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
