she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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