I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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