I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
