So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
