woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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