I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
