i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
