I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize