Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
