are you so shy because you have an std?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
