I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
