Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i drank out of a bidet.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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