I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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