3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
