shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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