u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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