I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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