I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
