My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
