yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
