her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
