thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
