my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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