I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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