guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
