I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
