i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
