dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize