I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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