i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
