that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
