That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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