i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
