new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
