You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
