I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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