Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
