your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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