Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
