The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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