I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
