Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
zippers are such a cool invention
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
