Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
