theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize