I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
