After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
