I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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