Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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