I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
