I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
