Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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