so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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