if you like me you must not know who I am
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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