Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
