you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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