You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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